Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Pinoy jokes 5 - May

HOW TO ASK YOUR BOSS FOR A SALARY INCREASE
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One day an employee sends a letter to his boss asking for an increase in his salary !!!

Dear Bo$$,

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding the need$ of u$. We are worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company ..
I am $ure you will gue$$ what I meant and re$ pond $oon.

Your$ $incerely,

Hu$am


The next day, the employee received this letter of reply :


Dear Husam,

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOw a days, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticably well . NOw the newspapers are saying the world's leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go in to aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad. I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.
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---- Your Boss.
=====================================================
Sa Math Class...

Teacher: Banong, kung meron akong 1 piraso ng karne at hinati ko ito, ilang piraso na?
Banong: 2 po mam!
Teacher: At kung hnati ko pa pareho?
Banong: 4 na piraso po!
Teacher: Hinati ko ulit.
Banong: 8 piraso po.
Teacher: Hinati ko pa.
Banong: 16 po mam.
Teacher: Hinati ko pa?
Banong: 32 piraso na po!
Teacher: Kung hinati ko ulit?
Banong: 64 po! (nakangiti)
Teacher: At hinati ko pa? 2 beses ko pang hinati?
Banong: Ay susmaryosep mam! GINILING na po! GINILING!!!
=====================================================
SA BAKERY

Pulubi: Palimos po ng cake.
Ale: Aba, sosyal ka ah! Namalimos ka lang, gusto mo pang cake.. eto pandesal!
Pulubi: Duh! Ate?! Bday ko kaya today?!?
=====================================================
ANAK: Tay mag-ingat kayo sa DANKTRAK!.
TATAY: ano ung danktrak?
ANAK: Yunn pong trak na 10 ang gulong na karga buhangin?
TATAY: Tanga inde danktrak un...TEN MILLER!!!
=====================================================
Honeymoon...

BRIDE: Kinakabahan ako. Baka di ko makaya.. Parang natatakot ako.
GROOM- Kaya mo ito. Di ba dati may alaga kang ahas?
BRIDE- Oo nga, pero takot talaga ako sa UOD!!
=====================================================
BOY: Wala akong kwentang anak para sa inyo! Lahat ng ginagawa ko puro mali! Lagi nalang ako mali!!! Di 'nyo na ako mahal!
AMA: Nagkakamali ka anak?
BOY: Shet! Mali na naman ako!!
=====================================================
AMO: inday, paalisin mo nga yung pulubi sa labas ng bahay. (nilabas ni Inday)
INDAY: off you go! Under no circumstance this house would relent to such
unabashed display of vagrant destitution!
PULUBI: oh! I'm so ashamed! Such a mansion of social climbing freaks!
(nakakuha na ng katapat si Inday!) NOSEBLEED!!
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======================================================

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Pinoy Jokes 4 - May

Misis : Darling, ano ang tawag sa isang asawa na sexy, maganda, hindi selosa, mapagmahal, masipag, mapagkalinga, masarap magluto?
Mister: Guni-guni!
pinoy, pinoy jokes, tagalog jokes,
==================================================
Nanay: Ano 'tong malaking zero sa test paper mo?
Anak : Hindi po 'yan zero, 'Nay. Naubusan lang ng star ang teacher ko kaya binigyan niya ako ng moon! Moon lang 'yan, 'Nay, promise!
==================================================
SIDE EFFECT"

Boy: Can I buy u a drink?
Girl: No, tnx. i discovered that alcohol is bad for my legs.
Boy: Sori to hear that, do they swell?
Girl: No, they tend to spread apart...
==================================================
Hindi lahat ng kinakalabit….
Gitara
Hindi lahat ng binobomba…
Poso
Hindi lahat ng pinapasukan…
Eskwelahan
Hindi lahat ng nilalabasan…
Exit
Hindi lahat ng binabayo…
Palay
Hindi lahat ng may ugat…
Puno
Hindi lahat ng pinipisil…
Pisngi
at hindi lahat ng pisngi…
Sa mukha pinoy, pinoy jokes, tagalog jokes,
Hindi lahat ng tumatayo…
May paa
Pero lahat ng itlog…
Binabati
Hindi lahat ng binibiyak…
Niyog
Pero lahat ng mani…
Binibiyak
Ang green minded….
GUILTY!
==================================================
SHAMPOO FOR DRY HAIR

Juan: ano bang shampoo ito? ayaw bumula
Maid: paano po bubula yan hindi naman basa buhok nyo.
Juan: haler for dry hair toh, nag-iisip ka ba Inday? dry hair!!
==================================================
Excuse letters: I taught in schools for a time in the Philippines and here are just two samples of how excuse letters are written.

1. My son is under a doctors care and should not take P.E. today.Please execute him. (Hala! Sige. Silya elektrika at bitay. Sabay pa! O kaya niyo yun?)

2. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had hershot. (Pag nag-absent pala papatayin ka…Baka may rabies…)
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==================================================

Monday, May 11, 2009

Pinoy jokes 3 - May

Gustong malaman ng magkaibigan kung may basketbolan sa langit. Nagkasundo sila na kung sino ang unang mamatay ay babalik upang sabihin kung may basketbol sa langit. Naunang namatay si Dado. Isang gabi, may narinig na boses si Rodel na parang kay Dado.
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"Ikaw ba 'yan, Dado?" usisa ni Rodel.
"Oo naman!" tugon ni Dado.
"Parang hindi totoo!" bulalas ni Rodel. "O ano, meron bang basketbol sa langit?"
Sagot ni Dado, "May maganda at masama akong balita sa 'yo. Ang maganda, may basketbol doon. Ang masama... kasali ka sa makakalaban namin
bukas!" (ngek!)
=====================================================
Rodrigo: Bakit bad trip ka?
Harry: Nagtampo sa 'kin ang utol ko.
Rodrigo: Bakit naman?
Harry: Nakalimutan ko kasi ang birthday niya.
Rodrigo: 'Yun lang? Anong masama ru'n?
Harry: Ang masama ru'n... twins kami! Twins!
=====================================================
Boy: Nay! Muntik na ako maging top one sa klase!
Nanay: Bat mo naman nasabi?
Boy: Ini-announce kasi kanina ung top 1 sa klase. Ang tinuro ni ma'am ung katabi ko. Muntik na ako. pinoy, pinoy jokes, tagalog jokes,
=====================================================

Pare 1: Pare parang malalim ang iniisip mo!
Pare 2: Nanaginip ako kagabi kasama ko 50 contestants ng Ms. Universe
Pare 1: Swerte mo! ano problema mo?
Pare 2: Pare ako nanalo!
=====================================================
Lito: Pare, ano ba ang kaibahan ng H2O sa CO2?
Joseph: Diyos ko naman! Di mo ba alam 'yun?! Ang H2O ay Hot water!
At ang CO2... Cold water.
=====================================================
Holduper: Pili ka, wallet mo o pasabugin utak mo?
Biktima: Ikaw PILI...bastaa pareho po yan walang laman!
=====================================================
TEACHER: watz ur name kid??
PUPIL: Earlyseven Strikeland po!
TEACHER: fil-am kaba??
PUPIL: Hindi po! Yun po ang name ko sa ingles..Sa tagalog po! "AGAPITO HAMPASLUPA"
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=====================================================

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Pinoy jokes 2 - May

Holdaper...............: Holdap ito! Akin na gamit mo!
Babae ....: (sumigaw) RAPE! RAPE! RAPE!
Holdaper...............: Anong rape? Holdap nga to eh!
Babae....................: Nagsa-suggest lang naman eh
====================================================
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BED TALK.

Boy: is this your first time?
Girl: (angrily) Oo naman noh! You guys talaga always asking me the same question!
====================================================
erap & lacson in buybust operation

Erap: freeze!
Lacson: sir mga kasamahan natin yan.
Erap: ah ganoon ba? ok, DEFROST!
====================================================
ERAP with the AFP Chief n RAM are talking about coup rumors.
After 5 hours of deadlock RAM offered a compromise.

RAM: If ERAP can spell the words COUP D ETAT, the coup is off.
ERAP: Gera nalang!
====================================================
Pinoy Jokes: Movies That Should Not Be Translated
pinoy, pinoy jokes, tagalog jokes, tagalog,
1. Black Hawk Down - Ibong Maitim sa Ibaba
2. Dead Mans Chest - Dodo ng Patay
3. I Know What You Did Last Summer - Uyy... aminin!
4. Love, Actually - Sa Totoo lang, Pag-ibig
5. Million Dollar Baby - 50 Milliong Pisong Sanggol (it depends on the
exchange rate of the country)
6. The Blair Witch Project - Ang Proyekto ng Bruhang si Blair
7. Mary Poppins - Si Mariang may Putok
8. Snakes on a Plane - Nag-ahasan sa Ere
9. The Postman Always Rings Twice - Ang Kartero kapag Dumutdot laging Dalawang Beses
10. Sum of all Fears - Takot mo, Takot ko, Takot Nating Lahat
11. Swordfish - Talakitok
12. Pretty Woman - Ganda ng Lola mo
13. Robin Hood, Men in Tights - Si Robin Hood at ang mga Felix Bakat
14. Four Weddings and a Funeral - Kahit 4 na Beses ka pang Magpakasal, Mamamatay ka rin
15. The Good, The Bad and the Ugly - Ako, Ikaw, Kayong Lahat
16. Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone - Adik si Harry, Tumira ng Shabu
17. Click - Isang Pindot ka Lang
18. Brokeback Mountain - May Nawasak sa Likod ng Bundok ng Tralala / Bumigay sa Bundok
19. The Day of the Dead - Ayaw Tumayo (ng mga patay)
20. Waterworld - Basang-basa
21. Theres Something about Mary - May Kwan sa Ano ni Maria
22. Employee of the Month - Ang Sipsip
23. Resident Evil - Ang Biyenan
24. Kill Bill - Kilitiin sa Bilbil
25. The Grudge - Lintik lang ang Walang Ganti
26. Nightmare Before Christmas - Binangungot sa Noche Buena
27. Never been Kissed - Pangit Kasi
28. Gone in 60 Seconds - 1 Round, Tulog
29. The Fast and the Furious - Ang bitin, Galit
30. Too Fast, Too Furious - Kapag Sobrang Bitin, Sobrang Galit
31. Dude, Wheres My Car - Dong, Anong Level Ulit tayo Nag-park?
32. Beauty and the Beast - Ang Asawa ko at ang Nanay nya
33. The Lord of the Rings - Ang Alahero
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Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Pinoy jokes - Pacquiao vs Hatton

Ngayon lang ito kasi I notice na dini-delete ang mga videos dahil sa copyright issues. but anyway watch this again. Ito ang isa sa mga pinakamangha mangha na boxing games na napanood ko..Mabuhay si Pacquiao, Mabuhay ang Pinas...muli ipinakita ni Pacquiao na ang pinoy patuloy na lumalaban di lang sa boxing, kundi pati sa pagkakaroon ng mabuting kinabukasan sa lahat ng mga pinoy.Pacquiao vs Hatton, tagalog, pinoy, pinoy jokes


Pacquiao vs Hatton, tagalog, pinoy, pinoy jokes

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Pinoy jokes 1 - May

This is one old episode of one of my favorite pinoy shows "Bubble gang"..This is Angelina "the spoiled brat" (Ogie) and her Yaya (Bitoy)... enjoy nyo lang... hehehehhehe
pinoy jokes, pinoy, tagalog




pinoy jokes, pinoy, tagalog