Monday, April 27, 2009

Pinoy jokes 4 - April

ang pagkakaibigan...
parang bulate sa puwet hindi mo makikita yun...
pero ikaw lang ang nakakadama ng kiliti nito...
salamat ha!!! dahil isa kang bulate sa puwet ko !!!
ang kati mo friend!!!
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tagalog jokes, pinoy, pinoy jokes,
HEADLINE

Dalawang matandang babae... nagjojogging sa plaza.. na-rape!!!

Kinabukasan...Plaza nagkagulo... nagkatraffic..

Dahil libo libong matanda ang ngayon ay nagjojogging!!!
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In a petshop, customer talks to a parrot.
CUSTOMER: hoy!!! Can you talk ha??? Bobo!!!
PARROT: yes I can!!!! Ikaw? Can you fly ha? Can you fly? Gago!
tagalog jokes, pinoy, pinoy jokes,
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List of cartoon characters that are bad influences to us.
1. dora the explorer.- lakwatcherang negra
2. Blue’s clues - mahilig magkalat.
3. Winnie the pooh - mahilig sa matamis-diabetis
4. Spongebob Squarepants - katangahan at kabaklaan
5. kids next door - pagiging gago sa batang edad
6. Winx - kalandian at pagkailusyonada
Kaya piliing mabuti ang ipapanuod sa batang inyong kasama!!

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Jinggoy: dad bakit ganun?
Erap: bakit?
Jinggoy: tinext ko yung asawa ko na padating na ko
Erap: o ano ngayon?
Jinggoy: pag uwi ko may kasama syang lalaki sa kama
Erap: baka hindi natanggap yung txt mo.
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tagalog jokes, pinoy, pinoy jokes,
Pagod ako so ito lang muna ngayon...salamat

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Pinoy jokes 3 - April

These jokes are from http://filipinojokes.blogspot.com...... I am posting it here because I seem to always have been fascinated with things written in toilets, walls, chairs, tables and so on. To me they are talagang nakakatawa at nakatutuwa and intriguing glimpses of what people think and feel.

Vandalism sa UP -- ang kulit nito!
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FA Wall:
"nobody cares"
somebody answered:
"not even the carebares?"
then another:
"not even kier?"
then:
"not even zoren?"
lastly:
"not even zorro?"
all written by different people.

AS:
AS chairs:
"push button to eject seatmate"
"push button to eject urself"
"push button to kill teacher."
"push button to eject teacher"
....reply: "it's jammed! We're doomed!"

AS cubicle:
"Donate your bulbol here.." tapos may chewing gum na pagdidikitan....

AS chair :
"you know bobo? bobo is you!"

AS 1st floor CR:
"if you forget the past, then you porget the purious.."

AS 1st floor CR uli:
" Im a simple gay "
tapos me sumagot
"sira! Dapat 'Im simple and gay!' Taga peyups ka ba? duh! "
tapos me sumagot ulit (with matching arrow pa na nakaturo dun sa reply)
"sira ka rin! yung simple is used as an adjective tapos yung gay is used as
a noun. kaya ok lang yung simple gay nya!"

CHEM:
Chem chair:
"push button to spray acid on prof's face."

Another chem chair:
"You Boron!!!"

BIO:
Bio chair:
"Push cadaver to haunt teacher."

FO Santos:
"SA MGA NAGTATAPON NG BASURA DITO... bawal."

ENG'G:
Sa Men's CR, facing the urinal:
"Hawak ko saking mga kamay ang kinabukasan ng bayan!"
Reply:
"the future you are holding is very small."

GAB:
sa likod ng armchair sa isang room sa GAB:
"takas ng ward 7"

MATH:
sa cr sa may math building:
"SUMAPI SA NPA! "
may sumagot:
"PAANO? "
may sumagot pa:
"MAGFILL UP NG COUPON AT IHULOG SA PINAKAMALAPIT NA DROP BOX SA SUKING
TINDAHAN!"

sa math building, sa likod ng isang "teacher's chair" sa 3rd floor:
"BABALA: asawa ni babalu"

sa math 3rd floor, sa isang upuan uli.
"you'll NEVER find what you're looking for"
May nag-reply:
"find x."
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sa math 3rd floor, sa isa pang upuan uli.
nakasulat sa armchair:
"F*CK DA WORLD! "
ta's may sumagot:
"F*CK U TOO!
--WORLD—"

3rd floor math cr:
"kaibigan, pagkapatos mong umihi, paki PLUS mo naman, hehehe."

UPIS
sa loob ng music room.
"maam _______(music prof) boses palaka! "
tas may sumagot
"nakarinig ka na ba ng boses ng palaka "
tas may sumagot uli
"weh "
tas may nag-react uli
"oo, sabi kokak!kokak!"

VINZONS:
Wall ng vinzons
"Do not steal. The government hates competition"

men's cr sa Vinzon's:
"remember: the hands that clean this toilet are the same hands that cook
your food."

men's cr waaaay above the urinal:
"if you can reach this, the fire department wants you!"

NIGS:
sa isang upuan:
"f*ck nigs!"
may nagreply:
"who's nigs?"

MAIN LIB
Sa isang lamesa ng main lib, filipiniana section:
"UP STUDENTS HAS BECOME PATETHIC"
tapos may sumagot...
"mali pang grammar at spelling mo, halatang di ka taga UP"

KALAI:
nietzsche-"god is dead"
God- "Nietzsche is dead!"

SC:
sa labas ng PNB:
"in case of emergency break ass and push butt"

sa girls' CR:
"Bawal ang vandal Dito!...
Mommy said: First Aid Terramycin"

sa girls' CR uli:
"My boyfriend and I had sex and now I'm pregnant"
Reply:
"Pray to God"

--------NEW Addition by Alfie--------
Sa Vinson's Hall Men's CR
"Pustahan tayo habang binabasa mo 'to hawak mo ang titi mo"

Sa AS Men's CR
NAkapaskil: "paki-flush after gamitin"
reply with face of ERAP: "Anong flush?"
May sumagot ulit:"Hyperbolic of flus"

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May Ubo

DOC: umubo ka!
PEDRO: ho! Ho! Ho!
DOC: ubo pa!
PEDRO: ho! Ho! Ho!
DOC: okay.
PEDRO: ano po ba sakit ko doc?
DOC: may ubo ka.
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Conyo sa Starbucks

Overheard from a girl na galit sa kararating na boyfriend sa starbucks:

GIRL: my God, you're so late. Where did you . . . where have you. . . where do you. . . san ka ba galing?
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tagalog joke, pinoy jokes, pinoy, tagalog jokes,

Monday, April 13, 2009

Pinoy jokes 2 - April

Mister: Kung gagawa ako ng pelikula, gusto ko, ako si ZORRO!
Misis: E ako, sino?
Mister: Si DACOS!
Misis: Dacos? Sino 'yun?
Mister: DA COS of all my ZORROs!
tagalog jokes, pinoy jokes, pinoy,
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Teacher: Miguel spell horse!
--Miguel: H....O....
Teacher: Bilisan mo
--Miguel: H....O....R...
Teacher: Sabing bilisan mo
--Miguel: Ya! Tigidig!!!Tigidig!!! Tigidig...
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Dalawang holdaper sa bangko:
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Holdaper #1: Yehey! Mayaman na tayo!
Holdaper #2: Bilangin mo na!
Holdaper #1: Alam mo namang mahina ako sa math. Abangan na lang natin sa balita kung magkano!
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Pasyente: Okey ba ang services sa ospital na ito?
Doktor: Oo naman. Sigurado 'yon.
Pasyente: Paano kung hindi ako satisfied?
Doktor: Ibabalik namin ang sakit mo.
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MISIS: Dear, iligaw mo nga tong pusa. Nakasako na. Dalhin mo sa malayo!
MISTER: Ok!
MISIS: Bakit ka ginabi? Niligaw mo ba ang pusa?
MISTER: Bwisit na pusang yan! Kundi ko siya sinundan, di ako nakauwi!
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Thursday, April 2, 2009

Pinoy jokes 1 - April

Pedro: may ka-eyebol ako mamya.. anu kaya itsura niya? kasi sabi niya kamukha daw siya celebrity.. “SH” ang simula ng name…
Juan: jackpot ka, Pedro! Baka SHeri or SHaina!
(matapos ang eyebol, uwi c Pedro)
Juan: kumusta eyebol mo? Bakit ka malungkot?
Pedro: “SHrek” am****! tagalog joke, tagalog jokes, pinoy jokes, pinoy,
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Juan: Ito bang pangit na ‘to ang tinatawag nyo na “ART”?! Ang pangit, nakakasuka! Painting ba to?
Guide: Hindi po sir, salamin yan! Hahaha!
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a naked girl rode a taxi, the girl asked the driver,”bakit ka nakatitig? ngayon ka lang
ba nakakita ng babaeng nakahubad?
DRIVER: hindi miss! iniisip ko kung san nakatago pamasahe mo?!?;-)
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Amo: Inday! bumili ka nga ng mga isda… Ay o nga pala, inglesera ka na ngaUn, would
you please buy many fishes for this week’s meals?
Inday: Judging by your statement, I believe you meant a variety of fish. The term ‘fishes’ although rarely used, connotes a plethora of different kinds of the said gilled
aquatic creatures. But the more pressing [...]
What an Inday! hehehhehehe
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Donya: Bakit tuwing paguwi ko, nadadatnan ktang nanunuod ng TV?!
Inday: becoz i don’t want you to see me doing absolutely nothng …
Hahahahahaha!
Bongga!
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Amo: Hoy inday! bakit sunog ang sinaing?
Inday: heavy fire that exerted by the stimulus affect the best conductor of heat which is the steel, causing the “oriza sativa” which is the scientific name of rice 2 change its state of color, smell as wel as taste
Amo: bongga! Anong ibig sabihin non?
Tahimik si Inday.
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